I'm "Japanese"

Since yesterday, my roommate has been gone to an island for a small trip.

She is 20 but so much braver than me.

Always doing whatever she wants so just made a quick plan to head for a foreign island on her own. And carried it out! So now.. I'm killing my time in our room alone.

I'm very pround of her because I don't think I can do the same thing just like she did.

Before coming here, I hated person who always being in a group and following others without any their own opinions.

But now I realized that I'm a those kind of person too!

I'm ashamed of myself and depressing myself that I can't do anything without someone else.

When I was in the US, I always felt like that all I have to do is just studying English in my room or school library. Seriously! Because I was in a school program of my Japanese university, so they had a responsibility to take care of all students about 30 people. Of course they made us tons of rules for not allowing to do something made us curious. Plus, the biggest thing made me less active is definetely homestay. For sure! haha

But I don't mean my experience staying with host family was worthless. Why not?

I rather appriciate them because they were the very persons who I talked with in English the most! My learning place was not my school. Absolutely at home. Luckily, I could get two retired teachers as my hosts. Instead of those advantages, I wasn't allowed to show up at night parties and get a ride of friends' car even though they had international licenses. 

Being a modest student was always what my hosts expected me to be.

And I did what they wanted me to do.

Staying with someone who has totally different life style needs compromise. 

This is what I learned from my experience in the US.

However..

Here in Thailand, the situation is 100% opposite!

I am able to do whatever I want even if I have a roomie.

I do eat what I like. I do sleep when I want. I do go where I want!

But now, I noticed that I just have very few things that I want actually..

As I said before, I have a whole day off today and could go to a town and hang out with my friends, but I don't feel like doing it.. Some of them invited me to go out though..

I'm worried about the way back home alone because today all my neighbors are out already😢

And I still don't really trust new people except for same nationality..

This is very embarrassing, but I got traumatized by what happened to me and my friends on the first night in Bangkok..

I hope it gets better soon and want something to kill time besides doind blog!

In my case, I still have lots of difficulties in terms of language..

So now I'm on my study of listening to English and easy Thai conversation.

I need much more studying to be prepared for completely new school life!😫